Date 6 & Not Even a Pash...
So, I’m facing something of a dating dilemma... strange but true, my dating life has remained active during Stage 4 lockdown. For a couple of weeks, I was regularly seeing and speaking with a couple of guys. Luke, I was instantly attracted to but the conversation always remained a little superficial. With Andrew, I had great conversation, enjoyed his company, felt like I could speak to about anything but the physical attraction was lacking.
A couple of weeks ago, Luke and I called time on whatever it was and I was relieved. Looks aside, it wasn't going anywhere. But things were progressing nicely with Andrew. I enjoyed spending time with him, having coffee and walking dates, graduating to picnic lunch dates (when the laws allowed, lol). Great company, extremely minimal flirting upon reflection. Recently, I went over to his place for dinner and drinks (in line with the single-people-bubble rules, of course). This was at date 6/week 7. In real life, dinner and drinks would've been accomplished way back when.
Given the lack of flirtation and the extremely slow burn of physical attraction/chemistry, you'd think the privacy/intimacy of being in one's home would help things along. But it didn't. Writing this, I think I know the answer... But I'm now in this position of having started to make a connection with this guy but in reality, I don't really want to get physical with him.
Do I give it another chance to see if there's something there (that would be week 8, don't forget), or do I grow up, and explain he's great (he is), I've enjoyed getting to know him (I have) but it's just missing for me. Cut my losses (and his) and run? Help a gal out, please!
Hey Lady,
I don’t believe that this COVID-19 coventry has dulled your instincts but perhaps it's bruised your confidence in those very instincts? You know in your knickers what’s going on with lovely-but-limp Andrew. However a simple ‘Move on. Fire up your Bumble/Raya/Hinge/Tinder profile and waste not one more sec” from me does not an advice column make. So just sit sagely in your knowing whilst I colour it in for the voyeurs reading along.
If this pandemic-branded social prison has done anything, it’s sharpened our lust and longing for FULL BODY CONTACT. We’re all walking the streets in our government-approved hour/s of exercise with nerve endings flapping wildly outside of our skins, hyper sensitive to the slightest change in wind direction or a fleeting glance from a masked random in the organic grocer. How else to explain the success of a show like Sex/Life?
If this pandemic-branded social prison has done anything, it’s sharpened our lust and longing for FULL BODY CONTACT
Yet despite these needy times, neither of you made a move when the opportunity was there. Even friendships with benefits have been sparked with much less kindling than this. Let’s unpack these past events and I’ll detail what coulda/shoulda/woulda gone down were there the teeniest flint of chemistry.
1. The Picnic
Like them or not (👋), a picnic is a definite vibe. And that vibe is about eating al fresco in a semi-reclined position that, within no time at all, seems to effortlessly but efficiently slide into a horizontal one. There is the tender lip graze that leads to relentless pashing. There are legs entwined like a Manhattan street pretzel. There is that delicious, denim-on-denim friction and a rise in body temp and natural radiance while park life innocently buzzes around you. To my mind, this is the only kind of picnic worth having. I don’t believe this was your picnic.
2. Dinner Chez Andrew
Um…What? EVERYONE knows that an invite to his/her/their home for dinner is the gateway to sex. It’s about delicious, drawn-out flirting as he stirs the arrabiatta in the box-fresh Le Creuset he panic-bought while you perch on the Caesar Stone kitchen island, clutch a glass of perfect Pinot, and quietly wonder what his bed linen is like. In fact, dinner may not be consumed at all, for dinner is not what’s really on the menu. You should be the menu.
Lady, I can’t fathom how this had progressed to date 6/7 with little-to-nothing to report and yet still he continues to seek you out. Confusing, for sure. Perhaps there is low-grade lockdown depression at play for both of you which could explain the (temporary) lack of game. Or maybe, just maybe, all his mates are coupled-up and he's simply looking to flex the government-endorsed singles bubble and wants you as a dependable mate with whom he can legally binge Suits eps and a Gelato Messina combo tub. And that’s fine. But like I always say, let’s not bend ourselves out of shape trying to get into His head. This is about You, always.
What I do know: you haven’t lost anything. Old mate Andrew provided some light, albeit non-physical relief from being alone 23/7 through your city’s most trying of times. No need for any 'you’re-great-but' convos - or running. No one has made a move that the other needs to politely reject, we’re past that point. Remember you said you enjoyed his company and felt like you could speak to him about anything? That is the foundation of friendship to me but perhaps you don’t want any more friends? Were I you, I would simply file him under ‘Friend’, keep him in your back catalogue should you want or need a no-pressure plus one, and be thankful for that because: good, platonic male friendships can be very hard to find.
P.S. Goes without saying that you can and should do all of the aforementioned while continuing to swipe right and seek full body contact elsewhere.
Image: ©David Bailey
