How to Silence a Diet-Obsessed Co-Worker
I work with an incessant diet talker. Every second conversation is based around food, her current intermittent fasting methods, when she's shredding, when she's not, the exercise she's done today, the exercise she's yet to do. And it's often framed around what other people are doing (their meals, diet plans), so she can either compare herself (and feel superior if she's worked out today and you haven't) or feel motivated to better that person. She even had the audacity to ask me one day if I'd been "good" this week. Really? REALLY?
It doesn't take a genius to realise that this is all grounded in her insecurity and lack of self-confidence. But also, not my problem. I guess the reason I am so bothered by it is that she has no self-awareness and also doesn't know other people's histories with food. This constant chatter could be triggering for some people. In fact, there are people in our office with a history of eating problems. She just plods along, turning down cake or treats, not with a simple 'No thanks' but with a "I can't, I'm shredding". And I'm fucking losing it.
Ok, so here's the last little bit. She's beloved by our business owner and other seniors throughout the business. She's legacy, so people tend to have a soft spot for those people and I'm not sure a discreet conversation would actually have the right impact or just 'go up the chain'.
How can I get her to zip her lip?
Hey Lady,
So this very sitch is one of the things I don’t love about working in close quarters with people five-Goddamn-days-out-of-seven. [Thankfully, COVID and the gift that can be WFH life have lightened this particular load for a bit…maybe forever.] Generally speaking though, every office has one myopic bore per square metre who peels back their tiny brain and exposes their limited repertoire to the rest of us. Yours could well be just a garden-variety tedious type with a deeply limited conversational repertoire on repeat. I mean, swap the topic from shredding to AFL, home renovation, or her genius two-year-old and it would be just as boring. But it could be something infinitely more serious and I’ll get to that in a sec.
Some People could be triggered by this, it’s true. Your week days are spent wedged into a shared working space with this individual, exposing you and your work mates to incessant, mind-numbing dietary prattle and the subtle scent of her body entering a state of ketosis. Your HQ is being reduced to a never-ending diet confessional and everyone’s eating habits are up for dissection. [I’m now doing a panic audit of my own.] A recent study reveals that 84% of us* suffer from disordered eating; be it anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, or a zero-tolerance carb ban from Monday through Thursday for no good (medical) reason. But just as it is for a recovering boozer on Christmas Day, triggers are EVERYWHERE. Worry yourself not about what other people’s triggers might be — unless of course, you yourself are Some People and are triggered-to-fuck by her?
She got thinner and thinner, when that didn’t even seem possible. Her hair started to fall out in meetings.
I once worked with a girl who was nursing what turned out to be a raging case of anorexia. From memory, she wasn’t the most likeable human on the planet to start with but as her disease began to take a firmer hold, she became even more tricky and irascible. Over time, she got thinner and thinner, when that didn’t even seem possible. Her hair started to fall out in meetings. I don’t know this as fact but it didn’t seem like any of her co-workers got close enough to her to show genuine concern. People were whispering as office people do but did any of us reach out? I know I didn’t. And though management were supporting her with company-funded therapy sessions on the QT, she just disappeared one day and never returned to the office again.
As much as your colleague’s one-track ramble must be muted for your collective sanity and productivity levels, we could also see this behaviour as a red flag for something potentially more serious. This gal is clearly not in the best state of mind. Let’s also factor in the continual landslide that has been the last 18 months and appreciate that we’ve all developed our own versions of iso-induced mania and obsessive grabs for control and routine. COVID’s done a real number on the most Teflonic of minds.
I know, I know…she’s not your mate and it’s not technically your problem but I’m going to nudge you to go vertical and channel that same compassion that you were radiating when you brought up Some People’s triggers around food and body issues. This is a seriously slippery slope; eating disorders are mental health conditions that deserve the same consideration as their stablemates depression and anxiety.
I’m stating the obvs when I say that these are boundlessly tricky waters to navigate. What she does or doesn’t put in her mouth is technically nobody’s business so avoid overstepping or confronting her about it. Helping her stay connected is something you can do, for hers is isolating behaviour. Reach out in the smallest of ways; chat to her in the kitchen while she boils water and adds lemon. Invite her on the coffee run. Ask her opinion on something relevant. Use open-ended Qs to spark a conversation and keep your chat simple and genuine. Whatever you do, don’t mention (her) weight loss or appearance. And know that despite your best efforts, she may clam up, bite back, shut down, walk out…but Some People just need to know that someone else has seen them — and cares enough to connect.
That would have been such a neat ending but I need to shoehorn in a little practicality. If you find this gal so repellant that you can’t even engage with her in a genuinely caring, considered way, then don’t. My HR friend Ruby suggests you have a confidential sidebar with her manager to raise your concerns, for her but also for those around her. While this is technically a personal matter, it’s one that’s playing out in the workplace and seeping into the office culture. Generally speaking, management and HR teams have had to step into the now and acknowledge that the mental health and wellbeing of their employees are just as important as KPIs and performance reviews. Yours have a duty of care to maintain a positive, collaborative, and open working environment with lines of support for all. And you may want or need to remind them of that.
[If just reading any of the above has stirred up anything significant for you around body image or you have specific questions that you’d like answered, please reach out to the good people at The Butterfly Foundation. Call their National Helpline on 1800 334 673. You can also chat online or email.]
*Completely fatuous stat invented to give me scientific credibility. It should read: 84% of my friendship group.
Image: Via Pinterest
