Dec 21

Dec 21 'Tis The Season for Enraging Conversations On Repeat

Hey Ladies,

You’ll quickly discover that there is no burning question or help-seeking to handle here. This is simply a well-intentioned PSA of sorts; an I’m-thinking-of-you-all-right-now as we continue to hurl ourselves at the festive season and the end of the calendar year. For many, it can be a magical time of mingling, excitable gifting and enthusiastic overindulgence, with the bonus of public holidays in our near future.

But it can also be the most testing of times as our buttons are pummelled by competitive siblings, perpetually disappointed parentals and 2022-weary partners on the edge. Extended family, with whom we don’t bother for the other 364 days of the year, are folded into this heady mix — along with all their judgement and annoying, intimate probes into our soft and deeply personal parts.

So as I pour out an empathy-spiked martini, I just want to say…

…it can also be the most testing of times as our buttons are pummelled by competitive siblings, perpetually disappointed parentals and 2022-weary partners on the edge.

I see you: freshly separated, former monogamist who is now having to time-share the season and your own children with a hateful ex. The suddenly-single who is now spending some prime-time festive moments alone until the clock strikes for the tense drop-off and the receipt of overtired, overfed, over-gifted children who have well and truly lost their Christmas sparkle. Know that this will get better with time and you will see and appreciate the golden opportunities ahead of you. Fill the kidless parts with great friends, Christmas-morning swims and the quiet time to get shit done and wrapped in peace.

I see you: technicolour individual who feels entirely disconnected from your blood rellos as though you were birthed by a visiting alien. Perhaps break with this forced tradition of family obligation and take Christmas back on your own terms. Start hosting your own orphan celebration to which many other technicolour individuals will love and appreciate an invitation. Spend the day volunteering with the Salvation Army or jump on a flight to somewhere infinitely more exotic.

I see you: sparkling human who has made so many great and important strides in life yet who is reduced to being constantly asked why you are still single and if you’ve met anyone recently. [You may want to read this to inform your reply.]

I see you couple who is childless, be it intentionally or otherwise, bracing yourselves for the endless interrogations about the most intimate part of your relationship and your reproductive health from every other person around the festive table. [A couple of tips for you here.]

And more topically, I see you: hardcore Christmas enthusiast who has been felled by COVID for the first or third time and is home alone with only your multiple streaming services and an ironically fam-sized ham and pineapple pizza for company. Avoid the sad ZOOM hook-up where you will virtually experience a table groaning with Uncle Gary’s legendary turducken, a bottomless pavlova and Mariah Carey on repeat. Instead, feel thankful that you don’t have to float around the infinity pool on lumpy, inflatable animals with the cousins you hate. And that you will emerge in 5-7 days (hopefully) looking and feeling shinier and refreshed from all that rest while everyone you know is bloated, hungover and heading for divorce.

I see you all and I encourage everyone else to think of the seasonally-challenged souls above and the many* more who find the festivities a major punch in the soul and a roundhouse kick to the heart.

Here’s to sharing more of our probs in the New Year. I’ll be refreshed, ready and waiting for you…

*So very many people don’t have what they want or need at this time of year. Make a pact with a few friends or family to substitute unnecessary present-swapping with a donation of a meal or gift for those who don’t have your good fortune. My gals and I spread cheer via The Wayside Chapel’s Donate-a-Plate.